The SUNDAY SERVICE – SHARK SIDE OF THE MOON!

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You think it’s safe to go in the water?

You think just because you’re not Australian, that the sharks won’t come for you?

You think just because you donate $!0 off each paycheck to Hearts for Sharks they won’t slice you in half with the million razor-sharp teeth?

Why do you think they have a million razor-sharp teeth anyway? The better to smile at you with?

No. Sharks are dangerous. Before you go to the beach on Sunday–hell, ANY Sunday–you should come THIS Sunday and learn Shark prevention techniques from the highly unqualified staff of THE SUNDAY SERVICE!

Ryan will show you how to resist temptation of even entering the water in the first place by *acting* like you’re swimming–right on the beach!

Aaron’s got a killer recipe for Shark’s Fin Soup, which is mostly Kale and paprika and, when poured into the water, is meant to confuse sharks’ fins into making them slap each other like the Three Stooges!

Taz will use magnets to confuse the shark, because magnetism is the most confusing force of all for dumb animals.

Craig will be body-painting all day to make you look like a shark. He will also be screaming at you and punching you in the nose to make you feel like a shark. By the end of the day you will be able to swim amongst them in perfect camouflage.

Kevin will use his homemade Batman (1966)-derived Shark Repellant spray, which he’ll even show you how to deploy whenever you find yourself dangling from a moving helicopter by a rope ladder, with a shark already on your goddamn leg!

Emmett will give you each a cyanide pill, in case you’re taken hostage by the sharks. You must not divulge to them any info on our touch-screen technologies or we are ALL doomed!

9PM
$5
53 W BROADWAY
24th of JULY, 2011

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Posted  07/23/11  in Upcoming